Please Like Me
Queen Me speaks...
Good morning! It’s good because the woodpeckers are not currently munching on my house. Anyone else have that problem? Not sure why, but those birds seem to only like to eat cypress in the fall?
Yesterday, I sent out the revised Queen-zine. Oops! It still needed a little extra attention. There were a few minor glitches. Oh well, you live and you learn. For those of you reading this that don’t get the Queen-zine, I’m taking a class to learn how to update my website. Because of this newfound knowledge, I can also send HTML e-zines to you (that means the e-zine resembles the webpage design). Other advantages are the ability to link to other sites, add pictures and jazz up the format. If you prefer a text version (meaning your e-mail system is set up to accept text only), that will still be available to you.
Anyway, by next week, I should be offering the new and improved version. Okay, at least I’ll try!
Lessons Learned
It’s been a very interesting week for me. And, one of those lesson times. It all started with the sliming I received on Monday (and a few other business-related issues) and then fretting over sending the Queen-zine out when it was (what shall I say?) less than perfect! Oh yeah, I forgot I promised myself I wouldn’t mention the sliming again. Oh well . . .
Here’s the deal. I don't know about you, but I’ve always worried about the opinions of others.
For example, my college years were very trying, specifically my freshman year. My first roommate left to return to Memphis and so I found myself needing another at mid-semester. I ended up asking the wrong person to be my roommate. Thank goodness our time together was short lived. She had a date at the alter and well, darn it . . . by May had to move on.
Not too long ago, I had a nightmare. I found myself back in college (freshman year) surrounded by one the former roommate and her friends. In the dream, the girls were ignoring me and treating me disrespectfully with the planned intention of excluding me and demonstrating their dislike. I was crushed. Hurt by their lack of caring, I couldn’t understand why on earth they didn’t like me. Why were they doing this to me and why was the situation so out of control? I cried uncontrollably. I begged the Universe to intervene. I asked for mercy. Nothing happened. But, then I heard a booming voice that seemed to originate from the heavens above me. Allyn, you cannot be liked by everyone. Let it go. Suddenly, I was at peace with my fears—concerns and pain magically disappeared.
The next day, I spent time thinking about the dream and what it meant. It just so happened that the dream was on the heels of me writing a piece about the need to be liked and appreciated. I’m not sure when I decided that I needed that from others, but somewhere on the road to maturing, I assumed it.
Consider what Caroline Knapp shared in her last book, titled Appetites: Why Women Want.
Like so many women I know, I grew up understanding that self-worth and likeability were inextricably linked, that a sizeable portion of my value would come from nourishing others: pleasing, avoiding conflict, concealing my own needs and disappointments.
Sela Ward expressed it too in her book Homesick. “There was lots of pressure to look perfect, and to be perfect—to live up to the unreachable ideal of womanhood.”
Even as recent as yesterday, I found myself wondering: Should I have written that? Should I have said that? Why did that lady send me that nasty e-mail? Will it ever stop—the sick little need to feel worth from the love or like of others—even strangers? Those little voices whispering to me—telling me to stop acting this way and that or else are voices from the past. Don’t be too pushy, too loud, too dominate. Those are all bad, very bad traits. Those aspects represent my shadow side. The dark part of me that if ever peaks out in the light of day makes me unlovable. Right? Isn’t that what we think? That if we show all of ourselves, then they, all the others, will run away. Yes, some might, but others will stay. I have to remember the message from my dream. You can’t be liked by everyone. It’s the truth—you just can’t.
Wayne Dyer said it best:
You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself.
Okay, so enough already! Of course, now that I've declared my intention, I'll receive many more opportunities to test myself. ~smile. And so it goes . . . .
Good morning! It’s good because the woodpeckers are not currently munching on my house. Anyone else have that problem? Not sure why, but those birds seem to only like to eat cypress in the fall?
Yesterday, I sent out the revised Queen-zine. Oops! It still needed a little extra attention. There were a few minor glitches. Oh well, you live and you learn. For those of you reading this that don’t get the Queen-zine, I’m taking a class to learn how to update my website. Because of this newfound knowledge, I can also send HTML e-zines to you (that means the e-zine resembles the webpage design). Other advantages are the ability to link to other sites, add pictures and jazz up the format. If you prefer a text version (meaning your e-mail system is set up to accept text only), that will still be available to you.
Anyway, by next week, I should be offering the new and improved version. Okay, at least I’ll try!
Lessons Learned
It’s been a very interesting week for me. And, one of those lesson times. It all started with the sliming I received on Monday (and a few other business-related issues) and then fretting over sending the Queen-zine out when it was (what shall I say?) less than perfect! Oh yeah, I forgot I promised myself I wouldn’t mention the sliming again. Oh well . . .
Here’s the deal. I don't know about you, but I’ve always worried about the opinions of others.
For example, my college years were very trying, specifically my freshman year. My first roommate left to return to Memphis and so I found myself needing another at mid-semester. I ended up asking the wrong person to be my roommate. Thank goodness our time together was short lived. She had a date at the alter and well, darn it . . . by May had to move on.
Not too long ago, I had a nightmare. I found myself back in college (freshman year) surrounded by one the former roommate and her friends. In the dream, the girls were ignoring me and treating me disrespectfully with the planned intention of excluding me and demonstrating their dislike. I was crushed. Hurt by their lack of caring, I couldn’t understand why on earth they didn’t like me. Why were they doing this to me and why was the situation so out of control? I cried uncontrollably. I begged the Universe to intervene. I asked for mercy. Nothing happened. But, then I heard a booming voice that seemed to originate from the heavens above me. Allyn, you cannot be liked by everyone. Let it go. Suddenly, I was at peace with my fears—concerns and pain magically disappeared.
The next day, I spent time thinking about the dream and what it meant. It just so happened that the dream was on the heels of me writing a piece about the need to be liked and appreciated. I’m not sure when I decided that I needed that from others, but somewhere on the road to maturing, I assumed it.
Consider what Caroline Knapp shared in her last book, titled Appetites: Why Women Want.
Like so many women I know, I grew up understanding that self-worth and likeability were inextricably linked, that a sizeable portion of my value would come from nourishing others: pleasing, avoiding conflict, concealing my own needs and disappointments.
Sela Ward expressed it too in her book Homesick. “There was lots of pressure to look perfect, and to be perfect—to live up to the unreachable ideal of womanhood.”
Even as recent as yesterday, I found myself wondering: Should I have written that? Should I have said that? Why did that lady send me that nasty e-mail? Will it ever stop—the sick little need to feel worth from the love or like of others—even strangers? Those little voices whispering to me—telling me to stop acting this way and that or else are voices from the past. Don’t be too pushy, too loud, too dominate. Those are all bad, very bad traits. Those aspects represent my shadow side. The dark part of me that if ever peaks out in the light of day makes me unlovable. Right? Isn’t that what we think? That if we show all of ourselves, then they, all the others, will run away. Yes, some might, but others will stay. I have to remember the message from my dream. You can’t be liked by everyone. It’s the truth—you just can’t.
Wayne Dyer said it best:
You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself.
Okay, so enough already! Of course, now that I've declared my intention, I'll receive many more opportunities to test myself. ~smile. And so it goes . . . .
posted by Allyn Evans at 6:48 AM
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