Trying to Let Go!
Queen Me shares ...
Just so you'll know what I'm about to talk about, I'm repeating something I wrote in the July 20th issue of the Queen-zine. If you read this essay last week, then skip down to the heading in purple.
Queen-zine, July 20th, 2005
I have a question for you: What does it feel like to not worry or fret about the opinion of others? In Grab the Queen Power, I encourage you to stop this practice. Personally, I've been working on it for years. Do you want to know if I have completely mastered it? Nope. Nada. NO! As hard as I try, I still find myself giving others the power to influence how I feel.
Recently, I had yet another opportunity to try to get to the bottom of this—meaning, someone had an opinion and, well, let's just say, they felt compelled to share not-so-nice things.
Okay, so here's what I did. I fretted and worried. Oh dear, that's not how I had planned to handle the situation. Then it hit me. I didn't know what that felt like—you know, not caring what other people think. Yep, intellectually I got it. Sure. But to practice it. To live it. I really didn't know.
So then, I thought about the times I really didn't care. Typically, the opinions of a complete stranger or those who love me the most don't hurt me as much. I throw in the "one's that love me the most" because we're on safe ground. They might not like something or express a negative, but basically I’m not worried about damaging the relationship. I'm most impacted when it involves a personal attack from friends, other family members, or someone who knows someone. Typically it's something that involves pride and/or the opinion I hold of myself. You know, your reputation. Lordy, that bag holding my reputation is really heavy to pull around sometimes. Well, slap me silly now. It also has to do with wanting so badly to play the "good girl" part. Oh, am I really still wrestling with this?
While having this conversation with myself, it dawned on me that I do know what it feels like to not care about the opinions of others. It feels light, airy. It feels good. As I continue to shed the part of me that cares, I am beginning to understand more fully that your reputation is what Wayne Dyer said in his book The Power of Intention: “Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others.” He goes on to tell us that we have no control over the mind of someone else. What they think is what they think. Dr. Dyer explains further, “Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you.” Sounds like I can drop that heavy old wornout bag now.
I'm ready to believe this. I am ready to feel this. I am ready to live this. While driving from Mississippi back to Oklahoma, my daughter and I chatted about many things. I decided to ask her thoughts on the issue and said, "Addy how do you not worry about the opinion of others?" Although I haven't been able to fully participate in this concept, something has worked for Addy. She doesn't have this problem. Whew! So here's what my wise eight-year-old daughter told me, "Mom, that's easy. Find something bigger and better to think about." And to think, my attempts seemed so complicated!
Okay, Addy. Your way is now my way. Promise.
You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself. —Wayne Dyer
I know Wayne. I hear you too. I'm ready. Universe, bring it on!
Now, for what's left to say.
Once you put stuff out there like this, you know proclaim that you are completely cured of what ails you ... don't you expect to be tested? Sure you do. And I did. But I purposely ignored my tendency to fret about it and as the days grew into a week, I realized that maybe I really am residing in a new place. What I thought would bother me (my tempest in a teapot) did not. Everytime I thought about that irksome situation, I could quickly divert my attention. I, without much effort, could let it go. What was happening outside myself really wasn't impacting me.
The old Allyn would have been very bothered by this. VERY bothered! Oh no, what will the neighbors think? (I'm using 'the neighbors' figuratively here and actually mean all those people I care about.) But the new, improved me (okay, so I've improved this aspect ... so many more improvements to go:) is okay about it. Really. Breathing deeply, I can say to myself: "Yep, it's okay. It's how things were supposed to happen. If it's not your lesson anymore, maybe it's someone else's lesson." Whew! What a relief. Someone or even a group of people have an opinion and that opinion does not impact me.
In Barbara Bellismo's book, Become Your Own Great and Powerful (http://www.seasonsofsuccess.com/greatandpowerful.html), she shares a dream told by D. Kay Malone. Kay describes herself a 'recovering lawyer' who now uses her many talents to transform ordinary nonprofits into viable operations. Kay (the recovering lawyer) shared a dream to make a point about a major transition in her life. In the dream, Kay is an alien searching for villians who destroyed a mining outpost. At a key point in the dream, Kay (the alien) turns to her traveling companion and says, "I'll just be a few minutes, there's something I have to do." She disappears and after struggling and making some pretty weird noises, she suddenly reappears. Her companion sees her toss aside a bundle of something and asks her what it was.
Kay replies: "My old skin."
Wait, hold on a minute before I make my closing point, there's something I must go do.
Okay, I'm back. Well, alrighty! I feel so much better, and yes, free. This new skin feels comfortable. And as Kay (the recovering lawyer) shared with us in the book: "It felt good to shed my skin. I made a promise to myself to do it regularly for the rest of my life."
Me too, Kay. Me too.
Now back to my daughter's advice ... Yep, I'm off to think about bigger and better things.
Just so you'll know what I'm about to talk about, I'm repeating something I wrote in the July 20th issue of the Queen-zine. If you read this essay last week, then skip down to the heading in purple.
Queen-zine, July 20th, 2005
I have a question for you: What does it feel like to not worry or fret about the opinion of others? In Grab the Queen Power, I encourage you to stop this practice. Personally, I've been working on it for years. Do you want to know if I have completely mastered it? Nope. Nada. NO! As hard as I try, I still find myself giving others the power to influence how I feel.
Recently, I had yet another opportunity to try to get to the bottom of this—meaning, someone had an opinion and, well, let's just say, they felt compelled to share not-so-nice things.
Okay, so here's what I did. I fretted and worried. Oh dear, that's not how I had planned to handle the situation. Then it hit me. I didn't know what that felt like—you know, not caring what other people think. Yep, intellectually I got it. Sure. But to practice it. To live it. I really didn't know.
So then, I thought about the times I really didn't care. Typically, the opinions of a complete stranger or those who love me the most don't hurt me as much. I throw in the "one's that love me the most" because we're on safe ground. They might not like something or express a negative, but basically I’m not worried about damaging the relationship. I'm most impacted when it involves a personal attack from friends, other family members, or someone who knows someone. Typically it's something that involves pride and/or the opinion I hold of myself. You know, your reputation. Lordy, that bag holding my reputation is really heavy to pull around sometimes. Well, slap me silly now. It also has to do with wanting so badly to play the "good girl" part. Oh, am I really still wrestling with this?
While having this conversation with myself, it dawned on me that I do know what it feels like to not care about the opinions of others. It feels light, airy. It feels good. As I continue to shed the part of me that cares, I am beginning to understand more fully that your reputation is what Wayne Dyer said in his book The Power of Intention: “Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of others.” He goes on to tell us that we have no control over the mind of someone else. What they think is what they think. Dr. Dyer explains further, “Leave your reputation for others to debate; it has nothing to do with you.” Sounds like I can drop that heavy old wornout bag now.
I'm ready to believe this. I am ready to feel this. I am ready to live this. While driving from Mississippi back to Oklahoma, my daughter and I chatted about many things. I decided to ask her thoughts on the issue and said, "Addy how do you not worry about the opinion of others?" Although I haven't been able to fully participate in this concept, something has worked for Addy. She doesn't have this problem. Whew! So here's what my wise eight-year-old daughter told me, "Mom, that's easy. Find something bigger and better to think about." And to think, my attempts seemed so complicated!
Okay, Addy. Your way is now my way. Promise.
You’ll find no shortage of opinions directed at you. If you allow them to undermine your self-respect, you’re seeking the respect of others over your own, then you’re abdicating (handing over) yourself. —Wayne Dyer
I know Wayne. I hear you too. I'm ready. Universe, bring it on!
Now, for what's left to say.
Once you put stuff out there like this, you know proclaim that you are completely cured of what ails you ... don't you expect to be tested? Sure you do. And I did. But I purposely ignored my tendency to fret about it and as the days grew into a week, I realized that maybe I really am residing in a new place. What I thought would bother me (my tempest in a teapot) did not. Everytime I thought about that irksome situation, I could quickly divert my attention. I, without much effort, could let it go. What was happening outside myself really wasn't impacting me.
The old Allyn would have been very bothered by this. VERY bothered! Oh no, what will the neighbors think? (I'm using 'the neighbors' figuratively here and actually mean all those people I care about.) But the new, improved me (okay, so I've improved this aspect ... so many more improvements to go:) is okay about it. Really. Breathing deeply, I can say to myself: "Yep, it's okay. It's how things were supposed to happen. If it's not your lesson anymore, maybe it's someone else's lesson." Whew! What a relief. Someone or even a group of people have an opinion and that opinion does not impact me.
In Barbara Bellismo's book, Become Your Own Great and Powerful (http://www.seasonsofsuccess.com/greatandpowerful.html), she shares a dream told by D. Kay Malone. Kay describes herself a 'recovering lawyer' who now uses her many talents to transform ordinary nonprofits into viable operations. Kay (the recovering lawyer) shared a dream to make a point about a major transition in her life. In the dream, Kay is an alien searching for villians who destroyed a mining outpost. At a key point in the dream, Kay (the alien) turns to her traveling companion and says, "I'll just be a few minutes, there's something I have to do." She disappears and after struggling and making some pretty weird noises, she suddenly reappears. Her companion sees her toss aside a bundle of something and asks her what it was.
Kay replies: "My old skin."
Wait, hold on a minute before I make my closing point, there's something I must go do.
Okay, I'm back. Well, alrighty! I feel so much better, and yes, free. This new skin feels comfortable. And as Kay (the recovering lawyer) shared with us in the book: "It felt good to shed my skin. I made a promise to myself to do it regularly for the rest of my life."
Me too, Kay. Me too.
Now back to my daughter's advice ... Yep, I'm off to think about bigger and better things.
posted by Allyn Evans at 10:17 AM
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