Queen Teams!

Queen Me shares . . .

Queen Team! Do you have one? I do! I actually had one in the late “90’s” before I knew what to call it. Always a loner, I never really sought people out. Oh, typically, my friends were gathered from work or from my husband’s job. Not having friends made life simple. I didn’t have to worry about others infringing on my time or asking me to participate in meaningless activities. Ah, yes . . . there were perks to be lonely. Well, that’s what I continually told myself.

By the time we returned to Texas in 1997, I was seeking something more. Probably after reading a book, I came up with the idea to start a lunch club. Mustering all the courage I could, I called the only “friend” I knew and pitched the idea. Success! She was interested. After agreeing I said, “Here’s the catch. I don’t know anyone else. You’ll have to recruit the other people.”

Being a natural social butterfly this created no problem for my old friend. Within a week, we had our first luncheon and four of us were in attendance. I had big ideas and visions of having fifteen or more in the group and was ready to discuss the expansion. My dear old friend had other plans. “Let’s keep it small—just the four of us.” The others agreed. And, so our small, intimate group of women friends was born.

Looking back, I realized that we created a safe, cozy place to share fun, sadness, laughter and tears. For about two years, we experienced our highs and lows together. We started with lunch and ventured into girls’ weekend trips and New Year’s Eve parties with spouses.

No matter, the group without meaning or purpose opened my heart.

Now, when I think about “Allyn The Loner”, I’m very sad. I missed so much by pushing others away. I also realize that minus all those others, my journey was much longer. I could never go back to that way of being.

Now in a new geographical location, I have a new Queen Team. I have my expanded team of about twenty as well as an intimate group of four. We weekly play tennis and monthly wine and dine. We have no purpose but fun—we laugh, squeal, giggle and scream. If I forget to wear waterproof mascara, I usually regret it.

Today, we celebrated one of the Queens birthdays. For fun, I brought tiaras for everyone! We wore our tiaras while we ate lunch. Those that know me personally know that this probably wasn’t the most comfortable thing for me to do. But, after awhile it didn’t matter. The tiara felt most appropriate! Besides adding to our fun for the day, our simple act intrigued others. Complete strangers approached us. Greeted us warmly. Smiled at us. Offered to take our picture. Of course, most wanted to know why we were wearing tiaras? We happily explained our status. “We’re queens!” Some wanted to know more, but most were satisfied with that.

No matter, the day without meaning or purpose opened my heart.

www.queenpower.com

Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?

Queen Me shares . . .

The part of you buried the deepest is probably the part needing to be unleashed. We bury what we are ashamed of possessing, you know those parts that we perceive make us unlovable. Doing so diminishes our power. Most of us have allowed judgment by others (and other cultural influences) to mold us into something we are not. We remove our truth and then lead dull, frustrated lives as we try to figure things out. Maybe we drown the voice that tries to move us forward or maybe just flat out ignore it, but feeling angry, frustrated, sad or depressed are the signs.

What part of yourself have you buried? Think back to your childhood. What got you in trouble in the classroom or Sunday school? What were the reasons? For me it was being opinionated, bossy, and loud. At the time, my true nature was not appropriate and so, to fit in, I squashed it. A quick study, I ended up a quiet child. Later the child turned into a quiet adult that avoided speaking her mind. I minded my manners and acted in ways appropriate to the social situation. I was a good girl. Why did I conform and change myself? Simple. I wanted to be accepted and loved. My need to be accepted outweighed the need to be myself.

One day I realized I didn’t know Allyn. So good at being the person others wanted me to be, I didn’t even know where the real me started or ended. I figured out what others wanted and then gave it to them. If I couldn’t read someone or figure her out, I made efforts to avoid her.

Although, I can’t pinpoint the actual moment, I decided I had to follow my self-directed impulses and guidance. However, deciding and doing are two separate issues. Stating that I no longer abided by the opinion of others meant that I felt ready to try it. Making the statement had nothing to do with how I would respond to the challenge. The transition frustrated me, but eventually my desire to change overcame my socialization.

Now jump ahead about five years, the “good” opinion of others rarely influences or bothers me anymore. Acting more authentically gives others a choice—love me or leave me. No longer willing to give pieces of myself away, I gathered them all back—shadow parts included and now take my cues from intuition.

Oh, it’s not that I will stop working on the “me” that has since emerged. And, please understand, I still struggle with the opinions of some. But, in this new place I find myself, I completely understand that I am a work in progress. The real me, although much more authentic, still needs to grow and develop—and, improve. I like to view it as fine-tuning—rough edges to smooth and information to absorb.

Embracing yourself in all your glory (while including the shadow parts) doesn’t mean all your worldly problems will be solved. No. Living more authentically simply means you’ll find yourself in a better place—a place that offers more joy and peace.

www.queenpower.com