Saturday, November 13, 2004

I'm Lost!

Queen Me shares . . .

I have a reason to celebrate, but I haven't. I finished the first draft of the Queen Power book. I've been working on this project (not actually writing the book) for almost four years. So, for one week, I've been a little bit lost. For the last four years, if I wasn't sure what to do next, I could always turn to the book (write, edit or whatever).

Last Monday, I wasn't sure what to do next, and well, there was no more book to write. So, I threw down my pen (metaphorically speaking), and didn’t do much at all. Besides a few business appointments, I spent more time goofing off and making plans. Now, I do have a list of “to do’s” on my calendar, but I’m not eager to jump in for some reason. I think it has to do more with entering unchartered territory. Suddenly, my black and white world appears muddled and gray. I know this is only a temporary state and once I find a handle to grab, I’ll run with it. But, right now I’m a lost, lost puppy.

Today, while fussing at myself for wasting yet another opportunity to dive right in, it dawned on me that it’s okay to be in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes, you need to sit back, plan, and be still. Today, I finally accepted that it’s okay not to “see” the staircase. I know I will move forward. I know the steps are there (probably right in front of me), but right now at this very moment the view is hazy—the visibility is zero.

The view out of my home office window shows me that the sky is hazy and gray too. Today, my inner and external worlds are on the same page. I suddenly feel the need to grab a good book, sit by the fire and munch on some popcorn. Today, I am not fighting my urges anymore. Today, I am surrendering to what I feel. Today, I will finally celebrate a major accomplish.

Hey, did I tell you I finished the first draft of my book? I did! I really did. Now, that's something to celebrate.

www.queenpower.com