Go Away Mean Voice

Queen Me shares . . .

I love going home during the holidays. I really do. And, the older I am the better it gets. Still plagued by the “mean” voice, though, I’m not completely comfortable once there. Yep, I knew it. Suzanne looks better than me. Thin. Able to wear tight jeans.

It takes me about thirty minutes now to get past it. Used to take a whole lot longer. Thank goodness with each passing year the mean voice gets less and less attention. And, it just so happens that I don't care as much about my physical appearance. Oh, this doesn’t mean I’m ready to throw in the towel—no, I still regularly play tennis and irregularly jog—I’m just finding contentment. Oh, but I say that, and yet I’m still tortured. As I roll out of bed I glance at my hands. Yep, just as I thought . . . swollen. I chide myself for failing to remain on the low-carb fare in preparation for the upcoming holiday feasts. Looking in the mirror, I fuss at my face. Fat. Yuck. Control yourself. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be more like your sister? Then, I start with the promises. Next time. Next time. And, finally I realize how hopeless my optimism is. Suddenly I’m tired and angry. Feeling fat makes me snap—makes me grouchy.

But despite all of this, I still laughed. I still smiled. I left feeling more loved than not. Even with my tortured experience, others told me I looked radiant and beautiful. Graciously, I accepted, but deep down didn’t believe them. Regardless love and laughter flowed to and from me and all the while I felt a profound connection to many people, some related some not. This week I loved them all and this week I felt they all loved me back—faults, mean voice and all.

So, Now I Know

Queen Me shares . . .

For inspiration today, I returned to old editions of the Queen-zine. I found and wanted to share this one.

Here's a message from Angel Queen.

A chain letter arrived in my e-mail box the other day reminding me of St. Teresa's wonderful prayer. I wanted to share the message because to me it's the overall intent of the Queen Power vision and website. It's rather simply, really . . .

Your purpose in life is all about finding peace, joy and freedom while not forgetting to dance and sing along the way. Enjoy.

St. Teresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of you.

Queen Me wraps up . . .

Margaret's interest in St. Teresa caused me to do a little research. I found a fascinating tale of a woman, Teresa of A´vila (1518 - 1582), who faced many obstacles as she made her journey.

The very same day that Margaret forwarded me the information about St. Teresa, I returned to reading Invisible Acts of Power: Personal Choices That Create Miracles by Carolyn Myss. And, you'll never guess who she talked about? In a wrap up statement based on her presentation of St. Teresa's body of work, Myss said, "We need to accept ourselves, our own power, our need to develop our own power and our responsibility to use our power and intuitive guidance in service to others and to the divine."

Borrowing from the title of Myss' book, yes it's all about personal choices and how those choices create miracles in our lives as well as the lives of others. Together, while embracing the Queen Power, we can climb mountains until we finally reach the top. Then, when we finally make it, we can reach back down and pull up others. Don't you see? We all have a rightful place at the top and after we make it, then it's our purpose to help those trailing just a little bit behind.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose. George Bernard Shaw

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When asked “What do you fear my lady?” A female character in the movie portrayal of the Lord of the Rings: The Twin Towers answered, “A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them, and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.”

Enjoy or endure your holiday celebration. Be safe:). And whatever you do, be sure to take a little Queen Power with you.

I'm Lost!

Queen Me shares . . .

I have a reason to celebrate, but I haven't. I finished the first draft of the Queen Power book. I've been working on this project (not actually writing the book) for almost four years. So, for one week, I've been a little bit lost. For the last four years, if I wasn't sure what to do next, I could always turn to the book (write, edit or whatever).

Last Monday, I wasn't sure what to do next, and well, there was no more book to write. So, I threw down my pen (metaphorically speaking), and didn’t do much at all. Besides a few business appointments, I spent more time goofing off and making plans. Now, I do have a list of “to do’s” on my calendar, but I’m not eager to jump in for some reason. I think it has to do more with entering unchartered territory. Suddenly, my black and white world appears muddled and gray. I know this is only a temporary state and once I find a handle to grab, I’ll run with it. But, right now I’m a lost, lost puppy.

Today, while fussing at myself for wasting yet another opportunity to dive right in, it dawned on me that it’s okay to be in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes, you need to sit back, plan, and be still. Today, I finally accepted that it’s okay not to “see” the staircase. I know I will move forward. I know the steps are there (probably right in front of me), but right now at this very moment the view is hazy—the visibility is zero.

The view out of my home office window shows me that the sky is hazy and gray too. Today, my inner and external worlds are on the same page. I suddenly feel the need to grab a good book, sit by the fire and munch on some popcorn. Today, I am not fighting my urges anymore. Today, I am surrendering to what I feel. Today, I will finally celebrate a major accomplish.

Hey, did I tell you I finished the first draft of my book? I did! I really did. Now, that's something to celebrate.

www.queenpower.com

Someone Asks Us to Be Real!

Queen Me shares . . .

One of our subscribers e-mailed me privately and made an interesting observation. Here's what she said, "I'm hungry for a bit of in depth discussion, but forums lend themselves to brief, pat-on-the-top-of-the-head replies. I feel as if a 'real' conversation is out of place."

She graciously agreed that I could share her thoughts in the blog with the hopes of encouraging all of us (including me) to "get real." So, here's my pledge! I'm going to be "real." Now, of course, my blogging activities have put me out there more than I have ever ventured in the past. When I first started, my fears and concerns clouded my joy. But, with each word expressed, it's definitely gotten easier. So, now when I reply or add a new post, I will make every effort to be as real as I can be in the moment. Some days I'll respond from the surface and some days I'll dive in deep, but I do promise to respond in the way that feels right to me at the moment.

Okay, queens let's dive in. Here's to creating a meaningful gathering spot to share.

Heart Messages

Queen Me thinks out loud . . .

Did you know that from 1989 to 2000, I was a lost puppy? That’s a long time to flounder, and flounder I did. There were times in this period that I felt lazy, unproductive, and useless. And, I’m being kind. Really! For example, I found it difficult to secure jobs that matched my abilities and experience level. We moved often. So, I practiced at it many, many times. This constant struggle took me to all-time lows. I remember at one point reaching out to temp agencies without any success. Following that, I was so convinced of my worthlessness . . . I mean, I didn’t even fit at a temp place! Eventually, I would find a job to endure for however long my husband stayed in one place. Sometimes, I changed positions on my own. Actually, I didn’t land softly until I found the non-profit world. But, that’s an entirely different story.

Did I have regrets, I would have to scream: “Yes! Yes! Yes!” And, I did. I wasted so much energy, but I didn’t know how to make changes. I clung to the past, while dreaming about things that were so far away I couldn’t see them clearly. Fear wrapped itself around me and kept me from moving forward.

Each time I found myself at the starting gate, I cowered back. Wouldn’t it be just like the other times I tried to step out? Why would this time be different? It was a long, slow march to myself and one with many false turns and missteps. As a matter of fact, I’m still marching. But, how did I reach this new place? In hindsight, it’s quite simple, actually. I got there with a little help from my friends. Friends I’ve met on-line, in forums, at the tennis courts, in my neighborhood and at work. Friends that I’ll never meet face-to-face, and others that live nearby. Friends that will hug me, laugh with me and celebrate my successes. That’s how I turned the tide. That’s how I finally found the place I was always meant to be. When I finally reached out to others, that’s when I started hearing the voice from within (you know, my heart).

Here's a wonderful quote from Prill Boyle's new book, Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women. Prill is referring to the 12 late bloomers she interviewed for her project.

"Listening to their hearts turned out to be, in the long run, the most unselfish thing these women had ever done. They might not have made dinner for their families every night, but they inspired their children and the people around them. Without exception, they are now using their talents to help others. In the process of blossoming, in other words, these women have connected more powerfully than ever before with the human community."

www.prillboyle.com