Forum, Smorum. What The Heck?

Queen Me shares . . .

More than you might think, actually. My forum (message board) experiences have all been meaningful.

My first experience with communicating in a group format on-line was a professional association. I was a new member of the Professional Association for Résumé Writers (PARW) and was about 15 months from starting my résumé writing business, but started soaking up the knowledge then. Okay, I lurked around without saying a word, but I still gained much from the knowledge of others. I also recognized that I wasn't the only clueless newbie on the block. Yes, the resource was invaluable and I swear, subtracted years off of my ability to make a profit. Move forward a few years. Wrapped up in résumé writing, I pursued career counseling as an add-on business. Success! I found an on-line discussion group going on via Barbara Sher’s website. Barbara is an author of many "living your dreams," books. Although an intimate group, I found the ideal spot to gain information, support and advice. This time I didn't lurk. I actively participated too. As the years passed me by, I dabbled in a group here and there, but no matter, I always cherished the relationships I developed with the participants. It’s amazing how that happens, but it does. More recently, I found Dotsie's site: http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com and found another place to park myself (to chat, ask for advice and find support).

In all those places, I found a community of people offering advice, support and comfort to others. And, that’s what QueenPower.com would like to offer you—a comfortable spot to gather where queens will find other queens quick to offer encouraging words and share a little humor while offering a soft place to land. It’s our vision that not only will our forum provide fun, entertaining banter, but also helpful information and support. It's our goal to minimize your learning curve and provide resources that jumpstart your life with the added bonus of helping you build a network of friends. Check out our forum and you'll find folks walking along all different parts of their path. Some, as one of my Queen friends calls herself are "Almost There" and others are just beginning. Don't let what others are doing put you off. Instead allow the experiences of others to inspire you!

That’s our intent.

Ready to dive in, then please go to: http://www.queenpower.com/. You’ll see the link to the forum on the main menu or in the Queens Announce section.

Need more enticement, then continue reading.

Many of you have never participated in a forum or message board before and question the benefit. Hopefully, the information above answered your questions. If not, please do not hesitate to e-mail me at: queenme@queenpower.com.

Some express a lack of technical ability and are easily frustrated by the sign up process. We can help you, if needed. I’ll even sign you up, if you’d prefer. Then, all you’ll have to do is login (and I can help you there too). Please, don’t let “technology” stop you from joining us!

Others worry about posting and sharing on-line. Your basic information (name, e-mail) is hidden if you so desire. Create a fun Queen name (or whatever username you'd like) and your identity is perfectly safe. Only you will know who you are unless you wish to share. Some Queens will openly share their identity and others will not. We don’t care. We simply want you to participate and benefit from the forum.

Hopefully, your concerns have been addressed and if you are deciding to pass on the forum, it's only because the idea simply doesn't suit you. Hey, that's perfectly fine! We'll still love you anyway!!!

Again, if you have questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at: queenme@queenpower.com. There are NO silly questions. I mean it.

For a Word document or text file of the instructions, please e-mail me at queenme@queenpower.com. Write Forum Instructions in the subject line.

Yikes! The Scales Go Higher and Higher and Higher

Queen Me shares intimate details . . .

I absolutely hate the scale. It seems I've been struggling to find my perfect weight since 8th grade. Now, I don't know about you, but I think that's a really long time. Truth be told, I refuse to weigh anymore. So, what does that tell you? Although, never considered overweight in my early years, I now carry about an extra 15 pounds (okay, it's more like 20) since giving birth to my only child. And, that was 7 1/2 years ago. Please! I do manage to lose weight every now and then (that's where the idea of 15 pounds comes in, I think), but I never seem to be consistent and I can't stick with a "diet" for long.

Exercise is the only thing that keeps me in check now. But, I don't even want to talk about that. Right now, my thoughts about weight rules supreme and it really bothers me that I fret so much over it. One day, I'll figure it out or either I'll simply not care anymore. Either way, I'll let you know how it all turns out.

Before departing and ultimately wrestling with myself over what's for dinner, I'll include something I wrote a while back that I thought you might enjoy.

~A Message from a Sweet Potato Queen

Please note: Although a queen by virtue of her association with the Sweet Potato Queens, Carol Puckett Daily, is not associated with Queen Power’s team of Queens (you know, us).

While visiting my mother-in-law this weekend, I read an interesting interview in the Delta Magazine (http://www.deltamagazine.com. The founder and owner of the Everyday Gourmet in Jackson, Mississippi, Carol Daily, answered questions about being a Sweet Potato Queen. I loved the message and wanted to share with you.

According to Carol, “Jill Connor Brownie invited me to be a Sweet Potato Queen the very same year I was president of the Junior League in the 80’s. Most people, especially my mother, would not see the two roles as being compatible. I realized that being president of women’s organization was a real honor, but it was a one-year gig, whereas being a Queen was a lifetime appointment. For me, the best thing is the majorette boots.”

For those of you not familiar with the Sweet Potato Queens, check out the website: http://www.sweetpotatoqueens.com/.
The fun, crazy and sometimes “over-the-top” and “a-little- vulgar” Sweet Potato Queens have an outfit that includes majorette boots, thus Carol’s reference to the boots.

Carol continues, “When we first got them, I wore them for weeks—with business suits, skirts, dresses—whatever. In high school, I was never a majorette or cheerleader: I was the literary type. The boots are a symbol of how I believe we should embrace life. We don’t have to go through life recounting our deficits or being in therapy. Just buy your own boots and get out there and have your own parade.”

I like the way that Queen talks;).

But, You Gotta Have Friends

Queen Me speaks . . .

Friends, friends, friends. Besides offering a warm cozy place to laugh, cry and moan, friends are also an excellent resource. Without a little help from my friends, I wouldn’t have stepped out of the box recently. Just yesterday, I was on the hunt for some wind pants—plastic pants (as I call them) that aren’t lined. I needed them for our upcoming winter tennis play. You see, we live in a community that does NOT have indoor courts anywhere! Simply due to timing, wind pants minus lining were NO where to be found. At the final stop, basically our last hope, my friend blurted out, “Buy the ones with the lining. I can fix them for you!” Wow, what a grand idea. As a domestically challenged individual, particularly in the realm of sewing, it never occurred to me that I could cut out the lining! So, with my a little help from my friends, we found a solution that I wouldn’t have discovered on my own. Heck, I’d still be looking for the wind pants.

Now, march ahead a day. I stop at Applebee’s to grab a quick bite to eat. I’m waiting for the dog to be shaved (that’s another story altogether) and Kinko’s to work their magic. Yep, I’m eating alone. Deciding I needed to go to the restroom, I marched to the back. Upon entering, I realized I had the place all to myself affording the opportunity to pick the cleanest stall. Exiting, I noticed a urinal and thought to myself, “How odd?” Pausing for only the briefest of moments, I quickly glanced around the room and said out loud to know one, “No, I didn’t do that, did I?” Grabbing the door, I looked for the sign. Yikes! I busted out of there and how.

See how important having a friend is? If I’d had one with me, I’d never been allowed to go in there in the first place. Or at the very least, I had a great story to tell after enduring that fiasco and would have probably had them all crying from laughing too hard.

Friends are Queens, Queens are Friends

Before I sign off. Have you noticed there are Queens popping up everywhere? Women, shops, restaurants? Yesterday, in the middle of looking for wind pants, we stopped at a café. Guess what the name of it was? Queenies. If we had stayed for lunch, I might have eaten a Queen Burger! Yep, that’s my kind of place.

Reign on . . .

Misery Turns to Idea!

Queen Me tells all . . . (well, not really, but something personal)

Did I ever tell you that I had acne? It wasn’t minor, either. I had it bad! For over 15 years, I suffered. Not sure how others experience it, but mine came in bouts. I would feel the sluggish, heavy feeling coming and within days my face would start erupting. Many years later, my dreams warned me about the impending struggle and so, with a developed intuition, I would see the “yuck” coming.

When “it” first started, I sought help from dermatologists. I took strong drugs, like Acutane. And swallowed way too many antibiotics. Nothing worked, not the oral meds or the topical treatments. Basically, the acne was simply something to endure. During flare-ups I made myself look other people in the eyes even though I felt so hideous, ugly and unclean. Wearing acne was quite possibly the hardest thing I ever did.

Once, I visited a female dermatologist for help. She examined my skin and informed me, “This is the worst case I’ve seen in a very long time.” How do you respond to that? Devastated, I cried. Another time, a doctor said, “Let me see if you have more testosterone that other women.” Seeing an end to my misery, I agreed. My medical insurance covered the cost of the test and sure enough that was indeed one of my “problems.” Thrilled to finally have answers, I returned to the doc’s office. Guess what? There was nothing he could do me. I simply happened to be a great subject for his on-going research project. Dejected, I cried some more.

After ten years of torture, I gave up and quit going to the well-meaning doctors. I simply suffered without medical help. Interestingly, I discovered during that time that my bouts latest just as long and looked just as bad.

Of course, I didn’t come out of it unscathed. My acne gifted me with scars and brown spots (pigment damage from medicine, I suppose?). So, finally when my hormones decided to give me a break, I had leftovers spread all over my face. Thank goodness modern technology came to the rescue. Without too much expense, I was able to find other doctors that could “fix” my damaged skin and products that solved the discoloration.

Finally, relief.

Not sure why I felt compelled to share this today. Maybe, it’s because we all have something to bare—something to overcome. And, suddenly I realize. If there are other women out there right now experiencing pain because of acne (or its aftermath), then I am someone that can offer advice. You too, are someone that can offer support, assistance and help based on your own experiences. Life is about experiences and what you endure you usually know well (just ask my newfound friend Georgia Richardson, a.k.a. Queen of Experience). Recently, I have had many e-mail messages from women (just like you and me) that have experiences to share. Serendipity! Their experiences might be just what we need to hear. And, even if it’s just one of us, isn’t that enough?

Funny how words turn in to meaning something . . .

I had decided yesterday to start a discussion E-list on Monday—a means to get our community talking to each other computer-to-computer, word-to-word. And, only this morning I decided on the topic! It will be named (appropriately so) Queens Supporting Queens. Now doesn’t that make you smile? We can all help each other while helping ourselves. Okay, I’m grinning.

Look for how to subscribe in the Queen-zine and on the website. Yes, it’s coming sooner than you think!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Join Queen Me and other queens at www.QueenPower.com. Gather in a place where women promote, support and encourage women. Don't wait till you're ready, have more time, or are a little older. Start living your best life now. It’s time for you to Grab the Queen Power!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chores! Bores!

Queen Me speaks . . .

Here’s the deal. There are some chores that I simply hate. I put them off or tuck them away until finally I must face my disgust. Ha! Okay, here's the one I hate at the moment. It’s sorting laundry. Interestingly, washing and drying clothes really doesn’t bother me that much. But, putting them away (yikes!). I had a basket of clean clothes sitting around my laundry room for two weeks this time. After tiring of looking at the daily reminder, I stuffed the entire basket (clothes and all) in a coat closet. Ha! That worked for a little while. And, to make matters worse, with each washing the pile just grew bigger and bigger. Double yikes! Finally, this morning, I lugged the tall basket of clothes up the stairs (what was I thinking?) and got to work. Relief! Much better.

Of course, now there are already two or three loads piled up in the dirty-clothes basket for yet another round of wash, dry and sort. Ugh.

One more gripe and then I’ll move on. I despise cleaning floors. I think the “bad feelings” originated from my childhood. You see, that was usually my assigned task—sweeping and mopping. Now, if my mother reads this she’d probably laugh. In fact, I’m sure she’d wonder what the heck I’m talking about. Allyn, sweep or mop? Well, I did, but not without complaining profusely while swearing off that duty when I eventually ruled my own roost (make that queendom).

But, no matter, I still occasionally find myself with a broom or mop in hand. The Universe can be nice, though. I married a guy that doesn’t mind that particular chore and will often gift clean floors to me.

Today, I got an e-mail from columnist, Tracey Smith. Tracey writes about “downshifting.” Have you heard of it? Supposedly, our very own Queen Mother wrote an article for Tracey’s column this week.

The Queen Mother shares in the article . . .

“Downshifting means taking life down a few notches, removing yourselves from the rat race of a stressed out life, and turning overdrive into a thing of the past. Whether you leave the city or even the country, downshifting gives life a new flavor to be savored.”

To read her article and check out Tracey Smith’s column go to: http://www.frenchentree.com/fe-downshifting/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=1887

Queen Me is back . . .

You'll probably hear more about downshifting in the months to come. It's something being talked about on a grand scale. From the little research I've performed, you'll find many degrees of downshifting being encouraged. Some go so far as to grow their own food and make their own household items while others do things like downsize their cars. The positive aspect of the overall message is that you do have a choice about how to live your life and as a result many people are opting out of crazy schedules and work-dominated routines. It's a personal choice, but probably one worth invesigating if you feel off balance or overburdened.

I was reading Goal Sisters yesterday (the book I mentioned in the Queen-zine this week) and the authors (Ann Leach and Michelle Beaulieu Pillen) talked about the subject. Actually, they focused more on the idea of self-care, which in my opinion is very similar.

Throw in children, chores, work, domestic responsibilities, and extracurricular activities and you quickly realize how hard it is to find time for yourself. Here's what Ann and Michelle had to say about it in their book: "Self-care doesn't have to carry a negative connotation. Easier said than believed, right? Consider the following: 1. Being 'selfish' (or rather, taking time for yourself) can also mean taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually so that you can be a better mom, partner, friend, employee, sister, aunt and so on. 2. Self-care may mean shifting some responsibilities with grace as you make room in your life to achieve your own goals. 3. Making self-care a priority may improve your relationship with yourself--especially the part of you that walks through life like a robot and the part of you that doesn't know what you want because you haven't given yourself the luxury of ever finding out."

The Queen Mother adds . . .

As for being "selfish" to find "me" time, I find it essential to explore who you are to be able to give to the extreme we mothers have to every day. So no, it is not "selfish", but essential. I read to my children, take them to the library, do craft projects with them and drive them to ballet lessons. But when they are in school, it is time for me to work on what is important to only me (and I even got my hair cut again -- the second time in three months!) That's how I look at it!

If your tank is empty, you wouldn't attempt a long car trip, right? Well, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint tour. You need to sustain your energy over the long haul, not just for a weekend. It is not self-indulgent to want an hour to ourselves. It is a necessity. How many times have you witnessed parents snap at their children at the grocery story? Do you think it was because they had just gotten a massage or taken a weekend getaway with their partner? NO! They are stressed out, worried about money, sleep-deprived or stretched for time. At the same time, it is our responsibility to get what we need. Doing without in the long run serves no one, including ourselves.

Queen Me wraps this one up . . .

So back to where I started in the first place--chores, bores!

Yes, you have chores and other things that bore or frustrate you. Yes, you have responsibilities. But wrapped up in a busy, frenzied life is you. To move beyond the chaos, learn from Ann, Michelle, and Christine, or take time to investigate downshifting. But do take the time, it's important!

Okay, gotta run. I'm going to go looking for some self-care activities. And, on my way out the door, I'm going to hide the dirty clothes basket in the coat closet. Ah, yes. Much better:).

www.goalsisters.com/contact.htm (for information about the book: Goal Sisters)
www.queenpower.com (for information about the Queen-zine)

A Little Bit of This and Little Bit of That (Blog, Blog, Blog)

Queen Me doesn't say much . . .

Last night it was cold enough to light our first fire. My daughter was thrilled! I found it soothing and comfortable—very comfortable.

Today, I’m wearing a sweater and even had to put on socks to keep my feet warm. Yes, winter is coming and again, I find comfort.

Tomorrow, we’ll be adding another queen to the mix.

This dream sure has turned out to be fun. Each morning I awake joyful and eager to see what activity has occurred in cyberspace while I slept. Even though I don’t have the “you’ve got mail” tune, my little annoying beep tied to my selected screen saver setting is music to my ears. Daily women from all over the world are signing up. Although, understanding that the Internet is a global market, I never actually expected to have so much interest from abroad. So, that's been a fun twist.

As the Queendom expands so will our ability to help each other. And, that’s exciting too. Reign on. BTW, I’m in the market for a simple, inexpensive but tasteful tiara. I’d love to make them available on the site. If you know where I can find them, please e-mail me: queenme@queenpower.com.

Today, I’m wearing mine. Oh, I don’t know . . . just felt like it. Hope I remember to take it off before meeting the school bus this afternoon.

Busy, Busy Bee Am I

Queen Me speaks . . .

We’re all busy, this I know, but this week I have been consumed with learning website stuff. It’s not easy. Okay, it’s not terribly hard either. But, oh my, the concentrating I HAVE to do. And, getting all this behind me is also rewarding. Now, I can return to what I really love, writing!

Fun, fun! We have found our Queen Mother! Watching the queendom grow is so much fun. I’ll be announcing who the new Queen is on Wednesday (in the Queen-zine).

Queen of Plan Be shares . . .

I loved reading about your adventures with your children (Queen Me and Angel Queen) and the theme about "quality time" in the last blog. This line about your daughter brought back happy memories. When my daughter Katie was 6 or 7, she had a similar series of meltdowns for the same reason. Our solution was that we would both get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning and have "cuddle time on the couch" together. This ritual lasted for a couple years until she matured a bit and gradually started to want to sleep in instead of cuddle. Such a short time to "set aside" in my busy day back then, and the bond it created comes in real handy now that she's 16.

Queen Me wraps us . . .

Well, speaking of children and quality time, that's my cue to get back to the den where my family is gathered eating popcorn and watching a movie. Don’t you simply love a rainy, fall weekend day?

High Roads Are Hard to Take

Queen Me speaks . . .

Where do I start? Had another interesting e-mail. You know the kind that gets your blood boiling a little. Again, to protect the innocent (hhhhmmmm, had to think about that one a little), I will not name any names. But, boy, you should have read the first response I typed. Ouch! Then, a little angel tapped my shoulder and whispered in my ear. “Be nice!” It was actually more on the lines of asking me to “take the high road.” That high road can be so hard to swallow sometimes.

So, I took a few deep breaths and I again typed a response. Okay, much better. And, yes kinder. Of course, there were still a few jabs here and there sprinkled throughout. I decided to sleep on it. Before I even made it to bed, another angel tapped on my shoulder and she said, “Allyn, do you really call that the high road?” Darn it! I had to agree. I simply wasn’t there yet.

I quickly returned to my computer and typed out my final response. It read something like this: “I would be delighted to . . . Simply consider this a gift. Please send me the forms at your convenience.” Now, that my friend was the high road. I feel so much better. With this little lesson (oh, and I’m sure there will be many more to come), I learned it really doesn’t matter if the person high fives herself over my response. I can let her think that her threats and unkind words influenced me. They didn’t. But, in the grand scheme of things who cares!

Now, the trick will be to let it go and with this writing I have (goodbye!).

Speaking of angels, our very own Angel Queen has something to add. We now turn our focus to our children.

Angel Queen shares . . .

It's that dreaded call in the night of, " Mommy, I don't feel good; I'm so hot." So, I have been on call day and night with a sick child and things I want to get done are not getting done and I feel like if I am asked to play Bob the Builder one more time, I will lose it! And I realize that I am losing it; losing the moment which is a gift. A time to be with and play with a child who is growing so fast and who in a few years will not want to spend this much time with me. So, I am up in the wee hours of the morning to work and write and will unpack from my move between coloring and building with legos, and this child and I will live in the moment which has been given to us. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is out of sight as the song tells us. We only have today. This moment. I will enjoy the day (and night) with this child whom I love.

Queen Me wraps up . . .

How true. Recently, my seven-year-old daughter, Addy, has been trying to tell me something. Instead of using her words (as we talk about often), she used tears and whining. The meltdown happened for two consecutive days. Suddenly, my happy little girl didn’t seem happy anymore. Perplexed, I attempted to help her figure out the problem. Over the next couple of days, we had numerous discussions to try to uncover her pain. Pay dirt! Finally, she realized she needed to spend more one-on-one time with her father and me. My first reaction (again, me and my initial response) to this discovery was “You gotta be kidding me.” You see I feel very connected to my daughter and spend lots of time with her, and then briefly wondered where I would find even more time? But, I also realized that much of that time is within the scope of duty. Of course, Addy had the perfect solution, “Mom, let’s have mother/daughter time once a week!” I modified it a little and announced, “We’ll alternate weeks selecting the activity.” Addy loved this idea. “I’ll go first,” she chimed in, “I want us to paint together on the back porch!” Taken a little aback, I smiled. I mean, I was thinking elaborate amounts of time, driving here and there, spending more money. And, all my child wanted was to spend time with me. Returning to what Margaret shared earlier . . .

We only have today. This moment. I will enjoy the day (and night) with this child whom I love.

Productive, NOT!

Queen Me speaks . . .

So, it’s Friday and very close to whistle blowing time, and I’m wondering what occupied my time all week? Actually, it was called FUN! Because I love what I do (writing, creating), I tend to work for fun. I know. That’s not good. With several opportunities to do something besides work this week, I took full advantage (tennis, party, another party, etc.). And, I still managed to get the Queen-zine out on time and signed up more newcomers to the Crown Me Club than EVER. This having fun thing, though, could seriously get in my way. Ha! And, instead of being rested as I plunge headlong into a weekend, I’m ready to take a nap. Yikes!

Take care and enjoy the next two days. But, most of all have fun.